The Raptors Republic Loveline

[The Great One]

Ok so this is kinda personal so hear me out:

So me and an old friend from high school have crossed paths. We've been going out A LOT since November. Problem is she has a bf(I don't really know the guy, but I met him once before, seems like a good dude).

But like I said, this girl and I have been going out a lot lately. We just had dinner tonight. We went to this Japanese restaurant in downtown Vancouver and I think we were there for 4 hours just talking about life, you know.

Right now, I don't really know what we're doing or what we are. I'm really confused, but me and this girl just have this GREAT connection ever since HS. And right now I feel like i'm falling for her.

Now, I've dated a lot of girls in the past but this one is DIFFERENT. It's just different. She's SPECIAL. I can't even explain it. But it feels wrong you know? so should I just move on and forget about her/stop sseing her?(which is hard to do and I don't think I can do it) or should I fight my feelings for her even though she has a bf?

Fuck, i'm so confused right now. I don't even know what to do. I guess this is what falling in love means?

[rocwell]

Honestly, I don't know how to help ya.

I would never date someone who's going behind their 'current' boyfriend. Shady stuff mate.

[DanH]

If you want it to ever become anything real, probably best to have the discussion about the other guy sooner than later (and either she stops seeing him or you accept that this is a friendship, nothing more) - if you cross the line while the other thing is still going on, you're building your house on sand.

Just my opinion, of course.

[Apollo]

Ok so this is kinda personal so hear me out:

So me and an old friend from high school have crossed paths. We've been going out A LOT since November. Problem is she has a bf(I don't really know the guy, but I met him once before, seems like a good dude).

But like I said, this girl and I have been going out a lot lately. We just had dinner tonight. We went to this Japanese restaurant in downtown Vancouver and I think we were there for 4 hours just talking about life, you know.

Right now, I don't really know what we're doing or what we are. I'm really confused, but me and this girl just have this GREAT connection ever since HS. And right now I feel like i'm falling for her.

Now, I've dated a lot of girls in the past but this one is DIFFERENT. It's just different. She's SPECIAL. I can't even explain it. But it feels wrong you know? so should I just move on and forget about her/stop sseing her?(which is hard to do and I don't think I can do it) or should I fight my feelings for her even though she has a bf?

Fuck, i'm so confused right now. I don't even know what to do. I guess this is what falling in love means?

My best advice to you is to stick to what you believe is right and try to leave that phase of your life with no regrets. Actually this advice is gold no matter the age.

I'm with Dan on the overlap. You don't want that, it's no good for your potential new relationship. If you approach this guy be prepared to defend yourself...

[MangoKid]

I've been in this situation before. I think the best thing to do is just open up to her and tell her how you feel. If she declines and says she's happy with her current bf, then you can move on, but at least you'll have an answer.

How is it that she has a boyfriend but she's been spending a ton of time with you? Might mean her current situation isn't stable.

If the guy who she is seeing is her fiancee, then I'd tell you to steer clear, but if it's just a boyfriend, then nothing wrong with competition.

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[Apollo]

How is it that she has a boyfriend but she's been spending a ton of time with you? Might mean her current situation isn't stable.

Or he could be trapped in the friend zone.

[MangoKid]

Or he could be trapped in the friend zone.

Ah the dreaded friend zone. Then he'd be right back at square one.

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[The Great One]

I've been in this situation before. I think the best thing to do is just open up to her and tell her how you feel. If she declines and says she's happy with her current bf, then you can move on, but at least you'll have an answer.

How is it that she has a boyfriend but she's been spending a ton of time with you? Might mean her current situation isn't stable.

If the guy who she is seeing is her fiancee, then I'd tell you to steer clear, but if it's just a boyfriend, then nothing wrong with competition.

Sent from my LG-H901 using Tapatalk

The guy that she is seeing is definitely not her fiancee, just a boyfriend. Otherwise i'd stay away. She actually just refers to him as a "friend" whenever i mention him.

But anyhow, i already made up my mind. I don't want to live life with regrets man. I don't want to be one of those "what if" guys. I've known this girl since we were kids. We've always been very close.

Like you said, nothing wrong with a little competition.

[Cody73]

Hey Rex, do you mind if I go ahead and change the thread title/sticky the thread? I feel like this could be expanded on & the topic would be helpful to others as well (Basically a Loveline, a place for people to ask for relationship advice like you did). I'll also go over the idea with other Mods 1st as well.

But I wish you luck. Just make sure you tread water with the subject. Don't scare her off. If she's content with her BF, accept this relationship as a friendship. She seems sweet & reasonable, so reasoning with her makes sense.

[The Great One]

Hey Rex, do you mind if I go ahead and change the thread title/sticky the thread? I feel like this could be expanded on & the topic would be helpful to others as well (Basically a Loveline, a place for people to ask for relationship advice like you did). I'll also go over the idea with other Mods 1st as well.

Go ahead.

[slaw]

Hey Rex, do you mind if I go ahead and change the thread title/sticky the thread? I feel like this could be expanded on & the topic would be helpful to others as well (Basically a Loveline, a place for people to ask for relationship advice like you did). I'll also go over the idea with other Mods 1st as well.

But I wish you luck. Just make sure you tread water with the subject. Don't scare her off. If she's content with her BF, accept this relationship as a friendship. She seems sweet & reasonable, so reasoning with her makes sense.

I don't want to alarm anyone but..... That has the potential to be the greatest thread ever....

[slaw]

When I met my wife, she was dating another guy. If you're committed to this and decided she's not crazy/just wasting your time/stringing you along then my advice is two-fold.

One, you have to be persistent. Not creepy, obsessive, stalking persistent but you need to make clear your interest goes beyond being friends. Don't beat around the bush and tread water and equivocate. Two reasons for this: first, if she's not serious about you this approach won't necessarily figure it out and, second, if she is serious you're just moving yourself clearly into friend zone. Moreover, you're going to end up emotionally committed (which you seem to already be) without having any idea what is happening (and.... you have no idea what is happening). That's a recipe for a big disappointment.....

Second, don't approach it as becoming the replacement boyfriend. If, if, she's interested, she's doing this most likely because she's not happy/content in her current relationship. You need to show her the possibilities of being with you - new opportunities. Also, ditching a boyfriend for a romantic stealing away can be very attractive. If it works, the relationship will follow...

Just be realistic about the possibility that she's stringing you along or using you as an insurance policy or a crutch and don't let yourself end up as the other guy. That's not cool and you're get burned.

Good luck, man.

[Cody73]

Title's been changed & also been sticked.

[Bendit]

Impressed...RR caters to all issues...well done.

Far be it for me (with spotty record in relationships) to offer advice on matters of the heart and of profound consequence... in a blog no less. The picture tends to be woefully incomplete.

What I can offer is a link to a site I occasionally visit which also carries a q&a blog offering advice on all matters in personal relationships. The OP may want to look in and maybe even participate with "Prudence" who comes across quite "balanced" in my view.

Hope things work out.


http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence.html

[Mack North]

Just seeing this thread for the first time... i feel like it was a tv show that just had the pilot aired and was cancelled. We gotta know what happened!?