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Thread: SLAMonline Mock Draft: Patrick Patterson, No. 13

  1. #1
    Raptors Republic Veteran Buddahfan's Avatar
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    Default SLAMonline Mock Draft: Patrick Patterson, No. 13

    This is too funny including the part on the link. Enjoy

    SLAMonline Mock Draft: Patrick Patterson, No. 13

    When it comes to running a NBA team, father knows best.

    by Jeff Fox

    High up in his penthouse office at the Air Canada Centre, Toronto Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo nursed an aching head. This was not the way things were supposed to go down in Toronto. After all, he was the golden-haired child, groomed to be a highly successful NBA executive. But now his team was in disarray. They missed the Playoffs. Franchise player Chris Bosh appeared ready to skip out of town as a free agent. Last season’s big acquisition, Hedo Turkoglu, had recently requested a trade. Colangelo had to get this fixed, and quick. He needed to make a splash with a wise selection at pick No. 13 in the NBA Draft, to take place in a couple of weeks.

    Patrick PattersonIn order to not further alienate any of his players of disrupt the team’s chemistry, he decided to consult some of the team’s key players in regards to who they think the Raptors should select in the upcoming Draft. His first call went to the team’s first round pick from last season, DeMar DeRozan.

    “DeMar — it’s Bryan,” said the GM.

    “Oh, Mr. Colangelo — you’re calling me to tell me I got traded to somewhere warm and sunny, right?” inquired DeMar. “Am I going (going) back (back) to Cali (Cali)?”

    “No, DeMar, you didn’t get traded,” replied Colangelo. “I just wanted to get your opinion on who the team should select in this year’s Draft.”

    “Oh, I got a great pick for us,” DeRozan answered excitedly. “He’s a real sleeper pick. No one is talking about him.”

    “Great — who is it?” asked Colangelo.

    “Romeo Miller. He played at USC with me. Great point guard,” answered DeMar.

    “You mean Lil’ Romeo?! The dude who only got a scholarship to USC because he was friends with you?!” asked the GM incredulously. “I don’t think so, DeMar. Guys don’t get roster spots in the NBA based on who they hang with.”

    “Fine, if not Romeo then you should at least give his dad, Percy, a look,” said DeMar.

    “Ah, yes, Master P,” said Colangelo. “He already got some training camp invites a few years back. From the reports I heard, teams got annoyed at him because he kept trying to get people to say ‘uhh’. I think we’ll pass on him also. Thanks anyway, DeMar.”

    Frustrated by the lack of help from DeRozan, Colangelo plugged on, placing a long distance call to Italy next.

    “Ciao,” said the voice on the other end.

    “Hi Andrea, it’s Bryan,” replied Colangelo. “I’m calling to ask your opinion on who we should take in the Draft this year.”

    “Oh, Bryan, funny you should ask that, ” said Andrea Bargnani. “I was just thinking about that as I tended to my tomato garden. I think we should get Danilo Gallinari.”

    “Gallinari was already drafted two years ago,” said Colangelo. “He’s property of the Knicks. Do you mean we should trade for him?”

    “Si, we should trade for him,” said Bargnani. “Please, Bryan, please. Danilo, Marco and me, Andrea, will be unstoppable together. I’ve even got leather jackets with ‘Italian Stallions’ embroidered on it for us to wear out to Lobby nightclub”

    “OK, I’ll look in to it Andrea but I don’t think that Knicks are looking to trade him,” said Colangelo. “And stay away from that club. We don’t need another Turkoglu on our hands.”

    The next call also went to Europe, this time to Turkey.
    cont on link
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  2. #2
    Raptors Republic Veteran LBF's Avatar
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    i don't get what patrick patterson had to do with it. is it because they think hesa good locker room guy?
    If Your Uncle Jack Helped You Off An Elephant, Would You Help Your Uncle Jack Off An Elephant?

    Sometimes, I like to buy a book on CD and listen to it, while reading music.

  3. #3
    Raptors Republic Superstar Mess's Avatar
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    I guess Slam's idea of a mock draft is just to mock everyone involved.

    The only part I thought was close to funny was Hedo saying "Ball, Ball"

  4. #4
    Raptors Republic All-Star hateslosing's Avatar
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    That was good, thanks Buddah. Got a kick out of the DeRozen bit.
    "Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival."


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